walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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