I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
soo... how was my night?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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