did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
