WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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