every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
