yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
