Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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