Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
