my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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