Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
