Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
