so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize