He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
