i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
