What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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