He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
