Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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