Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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