Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
