her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
