Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
