If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
