This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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