I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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