dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
