Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
