After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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