I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
