I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
