I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
