I am spending my child support on dildos
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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