The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
