you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Everyone says I win the strip club
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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