the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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