So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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