Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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