So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
