Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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