M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
