Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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