so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
