Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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