accomplished twins. life is a go
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
