i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
