The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
