What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
