I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
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