God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
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She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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