forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
