i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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