Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
