Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
