in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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