I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
