then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
