Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize