i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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