My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Randomize
