Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
