how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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