In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
