I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
