I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
This baby is an asshole
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
