That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
