i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
