I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
