So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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