Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
