He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I skipped work to stalk him.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize