I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
