Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
