He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
