I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
