we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
