I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
