porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
