Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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