Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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