I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
