Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
